dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize