I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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