She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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