his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
what day is it and did you see me today?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
