Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
