take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
