Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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