i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
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I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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