Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
