he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
