Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Holy shit dude........stairs
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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