A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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