why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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