Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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