I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
