yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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