I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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