why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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