bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
