this beer tastes like vomit already
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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