if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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