please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
