She told me I should be a condom model.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
