I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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