i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
