Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
