end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
