so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
