Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
