just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Operation Purity has been aborted
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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