So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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