Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
