the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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