I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
