Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
