I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
