ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
