i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
