So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
