I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
