Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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