You're so nebulous sometimes
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
