Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
