I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
