So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Operation Purity has been aborted
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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