I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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