it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I want to fling myself into the sun
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
