White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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