I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
