you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
