Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
