There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
