Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize