well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
