You can't special order awesome
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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