This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
