Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
