I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
