so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
