well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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