This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
