I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
