Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
