does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
