So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
