p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
