I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
