you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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