Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
