A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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