It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
