Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
