i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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