three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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