i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
