Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
