We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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