Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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