I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
