oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
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I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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