Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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