I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
