Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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