After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
