he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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