im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
