It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
